What is it about being a Mom and a Wife that opens your eyes to so much of the world you had no idea about before? Growing up I had no idea just how much my Mom held everything together. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing childhood that was happily sheltered from the perils of the world. We were totally blessed and wanted for nothing (except a rock tumbler and Snoopy Snow Machine I asked for every Christmas). I just thought all that magically happened,, but no it was my Mom holding it all together. Clothes were always washed, folded, ironed, and put away. Dinner was always on the table by 6:00. We even got dessert most nights! J and I participated in all types of activities and were rarely late. Mom just held it all together with a smile (well not always a smile, but you know overall).
I'm thirty-two years old and I am still amazed at how hard it is to hold it all together. I talk to other women and I hear them have the same struggles. I'm reading blogs and books (right now "My So Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife." It's very good so far! Definitely recommend.) Many are doing a much better job than I am. It leads me to question things about myself. Am I lazy? I am typing a blog about how busy I am when I should be doing the things that need to be done around the house. These words won't pick up the house, do the laundry, finish our taxes, or any of the other number things that need to be done. Am I overwhelmed? I do have mild panic attacks when Nathan digs through his sock drawer trying to find a matching pair of black socks before work everyday. How can he have 30 pairs of different types of black socks??? I need to go fold them while he's at work so he'll quit waking me up everyday. There are 24 hours in the day that every one has maybe I'm not using them to their full potential. I like sleep too much I think. I would choose sleeping over most other things if I had a choice. That doesn't help me finish packing up all the baby clothes that are spread around the house or finish cleaning my office I started forever ago.
Maybe I need more inspiration? My family should be enough of one. I do love them dearly and they deserve to ride in a cleaned out car when we got Wal-Mart instead of stepping on things. I do have pride in myself in being a Stay at Home Mom. You may not be able to tell from my ponytail I've been wearing for weeks, or the clothes that are stained and don't fit right anymore.
I don't know. There are just some really high expectations for Moms and Wives to live up to. Whether they are self imposed or from our culture or where they come from, they are quite suffocating. Women really do hold it all together. If a man is having a sick day, everyone knows about it and the world comes to a crashing halt to baby them back to health. If a Mom or Wife is having a sick day, they wipe their noses, ignore their anxiety attacks, and take a couple Advil and do what needs to be done. Their attitude may be a little poor, but they do hold it all together. The sign my Mom had hanging in the laundry room is certainly true, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
I am happy. I love my career I've chosen. I just need some different motivation. Some type of reward system or something. I know I hold it all together with the best of em (albeit slightly messier holding together than others I imagine), but I need to not feel like I live in Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray and Sonny and Cher singing the same song on the radio daily. Off to keep holding things together. Maybe I'll sort Nathan's socks. Whoohoo!
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